Response to "All the Single Leaders"

I appreciate Dr. Tanglen’s willingness to be vulnerable in her experience in regarding singlehood in her piece “All the Single Leaders” (published January 13, 2026); no doubt she speaks to single academics at all levels who have felt dismissed by a culture that privileges the nuclear family.  Dr. Tanglen inadvertently touches on a few issues that need to be discussed more in higher education circles, especially among faculty leadership.

​Singlism is a term coined by psychologist Dr. Bella DePaulo; this is defined as the discrimination and stereotyping of those who are non-married (I prefer this to the term “unmarried”).  I’m not a psychologist, but a lot of the assumptions Dr. Tanglen’s colleagues made about her “freedom” are an example of singlism.  Much of the loneliness the writer felt may have been a result of internalized singlism, which emanates from societal messages from our public discourse (media, business practices, even laws) that marginalize the single and the childless/childfree, especially women.[1]

Example: when I began my assistant professorship in a small town, a colleague exclaimed “You’re not married!?” when I responded “no” to the “are you married” question that many people love to ask when they meet you for the first time.  Fortunately, I’m a tenured Associate Professor in an urban university where singlehood is much more common, and thus, less stigmatized, at least on a surface level.  I’ve also built a brand out of writing about and advocating for equity for singles.

As a Board Member of Singles Equality, an organization that seeks to level the playing field for singles, I seek to advocate for a level playing field for those who haven’t followed the traditional path of getting married and having children, whether it’s by choice or by circumstance.  We seek to address policies that inadvertently discriminate against singles, such as the fact that I could leave my Social Security benefits to a woman I just met if we signed our nuptials today, but not to my brother, whom I’ve known for the past forty-three years.

While Dr. Tanglen’s advice for academic leaders is solid, it shouldn’t need to be stated.  Higher education can do a lot of things to be more welcoming to singles.  Since the space of this letter is limited, one practice would be to encourage its faculty to share personal accomplishments that fall outside of the marriage/pregnancy/childbirth triad.  Have faculty bought a home?  Adopted a pet?  Hiked all forty-six peaks of the Adirondack Mountains?  As the co-chair of International Singles Studies Association’s Newsletter Committee, I’m encouraging all members to share such accomplishments.  For example, I became a solo homeowner a year and a half ago, shortly after earning tenure.  Not all singles are happy to be, but after a day of teaching, department and committee meetings, hallway conversations, and the increased emotional labor that comes with helping students these days, I’m happy to come home and greeted by the meows of my cat, Chester.  This concept is known as being “single at heart,” another term coined by Dr. DePaulo.
While many singles don’t fall into this category, those that are should be encouraged to display their orientation.  Fostering cultures that enable this practice might just help unhappy singles feel less stigmatized, and, thus, less lonely.

[1] “Childless” refers to those who want children and don’t have them; “childfree” describes people who do not want children.