I spent nearly a week in Tennessee in August 2014, when I drove from El Paso, Texas to Newport News, Virginia for my first academic job.  It was a fun time.  First stop, Memphis, where I bopped around Beale Street and indulged in some ribs and blues.  In Nashville, I caught country music fever whilst at the Country Music Hall of Fame, not to mention the country-themed record stores and the street musicians playing fiddles and washboards.  On my way eastbound and out, I got to hike some trails at Great Smoky Mountains National Park while staying in Gatlinburg, an ode to Jesus, babies,  overconsumption, and 18 miles of highway surrounded by a never-ending stream of mini-malls.
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Despite that last part, I enjoyed my trip to Tennessee.  I even considered moving there for my second academic job, but ended up choosing Washington, DC, which is where I’m located now; the University of the District of Columbia (UDC) offered me a better deal.  And now that I learned about HB 0178, aka “The Sequence Success Act,” I’m glad I did.  The act now requires schools to teach kids that graduating high school, pursuing a degree or entering the workface, getting married, and having children leads to a successful life.  With the new administration, I’ve been trying to scale back my political writing, but as an activist for the single and childfree, I can’t stay silent on this one.  So this is my plea to students and teachers in The Volunteer State to passively and actively resist this in ways you can.

Educators
While I know you’re in a red state, most of the teachers I know lean blue.  After all, we tend to have a proclivity for critical thinking, and we want our students to look beyond what’s in front of them.  If you’ve been assigned to teach this, know that there is no law that prevents you from at least presenting other points of view on the issue.   So, after you’ve taught that, kindly introduce texts (or even excerpts) such as these:

Singled Out: How Singles are Stereotyped, Stigmatized, and Ignored, and Still Live Happily Ever After – Bella DePaulo
Solo: Building a Remarkable Life of Your Own – Peter McGraw
Stepping Off the Relationship Escalator: Uncommon Love and Life – Amy Gahran
How to be a Happy Bachelor – Craig Wynne (sorry, I couldn’t resist plugging my brand!)
Childfree by Choice – Amy Blackstone
Happy Singlehood: The Rising Acceptance and Celebration of Solo Living – Elyakim Kislev

These books will also lead you to other resources, which you can also find on Bella’s list here. 

And if you don’t teach Family Life courses, consider bringing in excerpts from those texts into the courses you teach.  We call it the “hidden curriculum” in education.  I did something similar involving a few of those books in my first-year writing.  You don’t necessarily have to agree with any of our contentions, but do present it to your students so they can form their own opinions and make life choices that are more conducive to who they are.  Marriage and children are a valid path for some, but they’re not for everyone.  Politicians who don’t understand that shouldn’t have the right to make decisions for others.  And teachers who don’t understand that shouldn’t have the right to shape young minds.

And any DEI practitioner who doesn’t understand such stigma is oppressive has no right to speak about DEI under any circumstances.

To Students
During my senior year of high school, I took a painting class.  I was disillusioned by some of the oppressive policies my school had put in place (not being allowed to use the soda or vending machines until after class, juniors not being allowed to park in the student parking lot), so I painted pictures likening our school principal to Adolf Hitler.  As I look back on it, this may have been a silly, futile gesture, but it was my way of using creativity to rebel at that time. Even if you do want to get married and have children someday, understand there are other ways of living and relating that work of others.

If your teachers aren’t providing texts like that for you, read some of them on your own.  Thanks to the smartphone, you can access them in seconds.

And if you’re not inclined to reading or advocacy, and your teachers haven’t gotten my memo, I give you full permission to ditch class on the day your instructors “teach” this lesson.  Bop around Beale Street on that day.  Check out the Country Music Hall of Fame and Museum.  Hike the Smokies. 

The best way to rebel is through passive resistance and through use of discourse.  So go for it!  Dolly Parton would approve.

The myth that singles are selfish is prevalent.  On the surface, it makes sense.  Devoting your life to a person that is not you is the most selfless act there is, and what better way to do it than to couple up, and eventually sign that piece of better that welds, err, I mean, weds you to each other?
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I get a great deal of satisfaction out of helping others, and I’ve been stepping that game up since the new administration took over the White House and started laying off federal government employees.  Two of my friends fell into that category, and since I teach resume writing, I offered feedback on their resumes. 

During that time, I started thinking about the prophet Paul.  I’m not religious, but I find this quote meaningful: “But I say to the unmarried and the widows, it is good for them to remain as they are, as I am.”  It comes from the book of Corinthians, and the argument is that a single person may just have more opportunities to be of service than a married person does.

I co-chair a Singles Studies area at the Northeast Modern Language Association (NeMLA) conference with my friend Elizabeth, and we had an interesting conversation about the work we do, and how that’s a form of public service.

Reading Bella’s work went beyond that of an intellectual experience: it was visceral.  It spoke to me.  For years, I wrote about it.  I thought I was writing for me, but I wanted people who had made those singlist comments in my direction to read it and be humbled.  I don’t know if they actually did so, but other people on CoSP read it, and they felt spoken to.  Gradually, those little blogs turned into academic articles, then popular articles, then a book, which evolved into a brand.  As of now, I’m also a board member on the International Singles Studies Association and Unmarried Equality, two organizations with very different missions on singlehood.  I never thought I’d make a career out of being single, but life will surprise you.

Lately, I’ve taken to giving talks around the Washington, DC area, and oftentimes, when I present the concepts of “singlism,” “matrimania,” and “amatonormativity,” I see a collective light bulb emanate above the heads of my audience members, and they share their experiences of being marginalized.  Part of me wishes they’ll all come join the movement and start writing about these ideas, but not everybody can be as obsessive as I am, I suppose.  That said, I like to think I’ve given them something they can use with the people in their lives.

Of late, I’ve been aiming to use writing, my other passion, to help others.  I don’t like to get political on here (other than my “Childless Cat Ladies” posturing), but it riles me up that so many Federal workers have lost their jobs, particularly when some of them are people I know and care about.   A close friend of mine who worked in the Department of Education’s DEI office was laid off, and I offered to look at her resume for a similar type of job in Virginia.  I gave her comments on verb tenses and using bullet points to set off large bits of information, which I hope was helpful.  While my “day job” revolves around helping people improve their writing skills, it felt good to be able to do something similar for a friend who has real “stakes.”   I did the same thing for another woman I met in a Meetup group, which gave a similar feeling.

I find that when I’m feeling bad, helping others is the best way to get out of that funk.  Teaching does that for me, but I do get paid for it.  So I’ve put the word out on my social media networks that if you or someone you know has been laid off from the fed, I’m here to help.

And, for me, being single does that.  Much of the data continues to show that married people become more insular because they have a family to serve.  And more power to them.  As for me and Bryan Stevenson, I follow Paul’s philosophy.  The data shows we singletons tend to be more involved in our communities as well.

That said, I do have to serve Chester above everyone else.  IYKYK…