“If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem.”  This phrase pops into my head every time every time a coupled person complains to me about their partner or their relationship.  And it comes to mind whenever singles complain about the treatment they receive without talking about how they respond to said treatment.  Of course, we all need to complain now and then; it can be healthy.  And Part One of this blog was complaints.
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However, as an advocate, I like to offer solutions to problem.  And students in my Discovery Writing class spend half a semester researching a problem and the other half aiming to argue for a solution to the problem.  So, in Part Two, I’m going to offer what I see as viable solutions to said problems.  Some of these solutions should come from the institutions that perpetuate these inequities; there are other things we can do to claim agency.
Traveling
Last time, I wrote about the singles supplement.    Fortunately, there are companies who’ve gotten wise to the fact that more folks are traveling solo, so there are no single supplements.  Take Overseas Adventure Travel. 
 
Many Airbnbs advertise themselves as solo-friendly; on the occasions when I log on, I’ll support them first.  Here’s one in my region. 
 
I prefer Airbnbs over hotels; they’re cheaper and much more inviting.  I’ve also met some very interesting owners.  However, hotels can help themselves and their customers by devoting blocks of rooms to solos.  Personally, all I need is a double bed, a bathroom, Wi-Fi, a coffee maker, and I’m fine.

Medical
My friend and colleague Joan DelFattore will be a pioneer in this area of advocacy with her upcoming book.  Her article about being discriminated against as a single cancer patient  should be read by every doctor around the world. 

Hospital patients are in very vulnerable positions, so it’s difficult for them to advocate for themselves against doctors and hospital administrators, who hold the power in this scenario.  However, I’m sure they undergo training with respect to unconscious bias.  Such training should include how they look at single patients. 

And the loved ones of patients can step in.  A few years ago, a close friend of mine had a biking accident that landed him in the hospital for a couple of weeks.  When the hospital was ready to discharge him before he was ready, a mutual friend of ours stepped in, and he got to stay until he was actually ready to go.  Our network used CaringBridge to schedule times to help him out with certain tasks.

Housing
I’ll refer to my Op-Ed regarding more solo-friendly housing.  And I think more places are starting to do this.

I also try to remember that even though I might pay more for a 2-bedroom than a couple might, the trade-off is I have my own space.  And the quiet is worth the price.
Boycotts
This is the section where I get nasty.  I name-shamed Alibi for banning solo drinkers.  And, of course, I joined the pile-on of comments chastising them for doing so. 
Not long after I moved to DC, I began experimenting with the various ethnic restaurants in the city.  I tried to make a reservation for one at a Korean restaurant, which I can’t seem to find on the Internet (perhaps they closed down?).  The platform wouldn’t allow me to do so.  I could’ve called them, but I didn’t feel like doing extra work when so many restaurants were more accommodating toward the solo diner.

I also won’t go to events with couples discounts.

You can also post reviews online; isn’t the Internet wonderful?

Speaking Up
This does feel Sisyphean at times, but the more we speak up, the more message is implanted into the public consciousness.  As a member of the International Singles Studies Association (ISSA) Board, we were asked to provide feedback to the organizers of the annual conference as to whether they should extend the deadline.  There were thirty-one submissions, which I believe to be enough for a small conference. 

I said the following:

If you extend the deadline, you'll likely have to extend the time people hear back.  For people who have to fly, this is problematic, because prices increase the closer we get to travel time.  This is an issue for people not being funded by their schools and who subsist on only one income; those both apply to my situation.  Others are likely facing the same situation.

The result: a vote in favor of keeping the deadline the same.  Victory!
A friend of mine happened to notice an advertisement for a travel collective that advertised at $1,000 per couple.  She wrote the following:

Thanks for the information. 
 
I would like you to consider that 50 percent of the population is NOT Married or a couple. They are single. 

Many resorts, cruise lines and other businesses in the travel network are now focusing their efforts on this demographic and it is very profitable. The days of Couples marketing is changing and becoming more offensive since half of the population is Single. 

Thanks for reading this and maybe it is useful maybe not. 

They wrote back.

Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts with us — we genuinely appreciate you doing so.

I understand the point you’re making, and I’m sorry if our marketing came across as excluding or dismissive. That was certainly not our intention. You’re absolutely right that a significant portion of travelers are single, and the travel landscape continues to evolve in meaningful ways.

While our advertising often features couples, this is largely a reflection of our most common booking type rather than an indication of who our journeys are meant for. In practice, we regularly welcome solo travelers, friends travelling together, and larger groups, and we work hard to ensure the experience onboard feels equally comfortable and enjoyable for all guests, regardless of how they’re travelling.

Your feedback is valuable, and comments like yours help us reflect on how our messaging is perceived and where there may be opportunities to better represent the full range of guests who travel with us. We are always open to learning and improving.

Honestly, this felt like a standardized corporate response, but at least they took the time to do so.  Many places don’t.  But the more we speak up, the more likely we are to be heard.  I recently became a committee chair for my university union; at some point, I’ll be advocating for “pawternity leave.”

And, with that, I give you the Singles Bill of Rights, a document I hope becomes mainstream in how singles are treated in a couplecentric world.
 
 
 

When I was hired at UDC, my department chair was fascinated by my mentions of the Singles Studies field, which was brand new.  He always used to ask, “What kinds of things do you discuss?”  I had to respond that we were still new and discussions were still developing.  This was in 2020.

Nearly six years later, our field has grown, and as with any academic discipline, some tensions have developed.  In fields like Gender Studies and Fat Studies, conflicts develop between researchers who want to just do scientific researchers and those of us who conduct research as a platform to advocate for the population we study.  Singles Studies is no exception.  I’m “wed” to the latter side; I’ve published more Op-Eds than academic work on singlehood as of this writing.  But I do read the scientific stuff so I can stay informed.  A lot of studies have stated that couples, on average, experience better well-being than singles.  I used to deny this, but I’ve come to a begrudging acceptance of the idea.
 
However, the assumption a lot of researchers and readers still carry is that couplehood is the solution.  And a lot of singles would love to get that, even only it were that easy (one pet peeve of mine: when people say “just get married” as if it were like signing up for a gym membership; you don’t always have control over the outcome in that scenario).  And if they don’t, they just give the data and don’t really acknowledge the structural singlism that exists.  And, to be fair, they’re not trained to do that.  When I teach my undergraduates how to read scholarly articles, I have them look closely at the Discussion and Conclusion sections to see how the findings add to a conversation in a field, not necessarily the real-life implications outside the ivory tower.
 
In that vein, I’m conducting my own informal research in which I ask the question: what kinds of inconveniences do singletons face, and how do they impact their lives?  Here’s some condensed data from the people I asked.

Traveling
 
I love to travel solo.  But many of my fellow solo wanderers highlighted challenges such as logistics, like getting to an airport, having someone look after a house and pet, and asking someone watch their luggage while they go to the bathroom.  I usually just take it with me.  And, of course, bringing in packages.  I have neighbors who can bring packages in for me, but not everyone has that luxury.
 
And let’s not forget that dreaded single supplement.
 
Medical
 
Hospitals aren’t malicious when they require that someone accompany a patient to a procedure; after all, they’re not in any condition to drive, and there are unscrupulous taxi and Uber drivers who will take advantage of them.  And, in some places, you can have a service from the hospital drive you home.  For a fee. 

I had a lipoma removed from my back a few years ago, and I was lucky enough to have a friend who could drive me to and from the procedure.  But, I’d also lived in that area for a few years and was able to develop connections.  If I’d had an accident soon after moving to the area, when I didn’t know anyone, I would’ve been out of luck, because this hospital didn’t even have that transport service. 

I asked a number of my fellow singletons about these inconveniences, and one remarked, “I wouldn't call this an inconvenience. The systematic discrimination against single people has life-threatening implications.”  I agree, friend. 
 
Some hospitals and medical facilities have been reported to only allow “immediate family,” meaning spouses and children, to visit patients in the hospital.  This actually violates Federal Law, which states that patients can choose their visitors.  Sadly, some of the facilities are unaware of the rule. 
 
Housing
 
At the risk of stating the obvious, housing costs more if you’re single and you choose to live alone.  You don’t have anyone to split rent or mortgage with.  And some neighborhoods are zoned for single-family housing.  I wrote an Op-Ed advocating that with the rise of singletons in the Washington, DC area, we need to have more housing that accommodates singles.  And this is everywhere, not just DC.

Food Shopping

I love the concept of Costco.  One can save money by buying items in bulk.  And I use it for my favorite non-perishables like three-pound containers of coffee and canned tuna, salmon, and chicken salad.  But it’s rare that I use it for perishables.  I recently underwent periodontal surgery; to prepare I bought a bunch of soft foods like mashed potatoes, pasta, and pudding but did so at the Giant Food, my local supermarket.  In a conversation with my brother, he said, “Why don’t you buy the cooked brand at Costco?”
 
One reason: I love mashed potatoes, but I don’t like to keep them in my home under normal circumstances.  They’re just so heavy in carbs.  So buying them in bulk makes no sense to me.

Another reason: if I buy the cooked brand, I have a limited amount of time to eat it.  I like to portion it out, but in this case, I’d have to force myself to eat it more frequently than I’d like, or I’d just have to let it go bad and time out.  So I’ll just buy the small packaged, powered brand, which doesn’t expire for several months.  As I said to my brother, “Costco is not the best store for solo dwellers.”
 
Fortunately, my friend Louise Harper has a book about cooking for one, Single Serve: One Bowl, One Pot, One Meal. While we can’t control the markets (yet), it’s good to know there are fellow single voices looking out for our needs.
 
Other Stuff
 
Couples discounts.  Family packages on cell phone plans.  Gym and museum memberships discounted for couples and families.  When I brought this up to a class, a student said, “Couldn’t you just find a friend to go in with?”  I do respect and admire that kind of subterfuge and “taking the power back” a la Rage Against the Machine, but why should one have to scrap to find another person, particularly if they may be going in with someone else?  What’s wrong with $15 per person, $30 per couple?
 
I’ve never experienced this, but apparently, some platforms won’t let you purchase single seats for concerts or theater events.  It’s just wrong.  And given that 20% of Broadway theater tickets are purchased by solo patrons, those platforms are hurting themselves.  And I’m going to shame Alibi, a bar that bans solo drinkers after 9 p.m.  I don’t go to bars, but if I did, they’d lose my business.  And if I owned a bar in that area, I’d offer specials for solo drinkers and say, “We welcome solos!”
 
Conclusion
 
As the rates of non-married and non-partnered folks have increased and are projected to do so, institutions are going to need to change their practices.  In Part Two, which I’ll post next week, I’ll throw out some ideas.
 

 [CW1]Check the expiration date on it.