Childlessness/Childfree as a DEI Category

Parenthood is much-revered in our world, at least in theory.  Think about all the money that goes into baby showers, and many countries (rightfully) give parents paid time off to care for children.  And I’m on a Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion Committee; we had a discussion on whether to advocate for building pump stations for the many single parents our school has among its student population. 

I’m all for it; I think single parenting is the most badass thing a person can do.  And even with a partner, parenting is hard (maybe harder for some).  I respect the challenges parents face.  But as a childfree by choice person, I see inequities in the way employers treat parents compared those without kids, whether they be childless or childfree (there is a difference).

One doesn’t have to read the news deeply to see how much of a firestorm JD Vance’s comments about “miserable childless cat ladies” has made these last few weeks.  I’m a childFREE cat guy who stands with childless and childfree cat ladies.  Yet I do leave myself open to microaggressions, like in this bingo card.

I’ll share one example.  I commented on how tired I was one morning, and a colleague said, “I was up at five this morning because of my kid!  You don’t know what tired is!”  So I wasn’t allowed to be tired, even though the cause was not a crying baby?

But I suspected I wasn’t the only childfree person in higher education.  And in a world where Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion is a major part of our conversation, being without child, whether by choice or by circumstance, should be a part of these discussions.  I put out a call on the Higher Ed Learning Collective for: 1) institutional policies that allow parents certain privileges that people who are childfree/childless don’t receive; or 2) any microaggressions they may have received, whether on the card or not.  These are some patterns I noticed:

Scheduling preferences
Oftentimes, parents get preference in the times they teach because they “have families” due to the assumption that the childfree/childless don’t have lives outside of work or the thought that their personal lives aren’t as busy or as important.  Many faculty reported some variation of this experience.
 
Free/Reduced Tuition
Many universities provide free tuition for the children of employees.  I love this benefit.  However, one person indicated when they proposed discounted tuition for their niece, she received no response.  Another person appeared to have read my mind when they proposed that those without children should have the option of sponsoring a scholarship for a student.  If this isn’t “skin in the game,” I don’t know what is.
 
Obligatory Baby Shower Contributions
A few people wrote this, which made me very happy. I’m all for giving a few dollars as a congratulatory gift.  After all, giving birth is a major milestone for some people.  But why didn’t get a party when I got tenure?  When I received promotion (without tenure) at my previous university, a colleague gave me a $25 gift card to the Cinemark.  But when our department secretary announced her pregnancy, everybody had to contribute a monetary gift and attend a potluck shower. I was relatively junior at the time, so I didn’t say anything about the inequity.  With tenure, I might be more inclined to do so. 
 
Microaggressions
A few faculty received comments on the bingo card such as “You’ll change your mind” and “it’s different when they’re your own.”  Some even confessed to being asked to take on additional service work because “you have no kids at home.  “You’re obviously free.”
 
Miscellaneous
These weren’t as common, but it’s important to note:

1. One person’s institution, a private Catholic university, deposited $500 annually into a dependent care spending account for employees with eligible dependents.  Those without kids didn’t get anything.
2. In one department, having a sick child was a valid reason to miss a meeting.  Being sick yourself, not so much.
3. The university’s insurance covering a faculty member’s child, but not birth control, which is a cornerstone of reproductive rights.
4. In one school, faculty without children are required to pay higher health insurance to support those with kids.
5. A single and childfree person could get two free tickets to any campus event (theater, music, sporting events), but if they had a family, they could get as many tickets as needed.  Note: that was scaled back to two tickets per faculty member.

Of note: there are some cases where it’s beneficial for some: One person, a self-described “night owl” who preferred teaching between 4 and 10 p.m., took evening slots and was appreciated by her “childed colleagues.”

Some hope for the future exists in our classrooms.  A Gerontology professor I spoke with has regularly faced criticism for being childfree yet teaching courses in Human Development.  In her words, a speech pathology professor doesn’t need to have had a stroke in order to understand the science of how it affects speech patterns.  As part of her pedagogy, she teaches students about the difference between “childless” and “childfree.”

The childfree/childless population should be included as part of our DEI conversations.  Many people are unable to have children, and there can be trauma associated with it.  And there are people who just don’t want to have children; their reasons are nobody’s business.  And if lifestyle choices can be rewarded (i.e., additional insurance benefits for a spouse), then the choice not to have children should be considered as well.  Students who may not have children can benefit from this knowledge.

I always appreciate allyship from parents. One academic mother had some excellent advice for the childfree/childless to achieve equity: create a baby in your mind.  In other words, have some reason you cannot do something they’re asking.  For me, it’s my cat.  In my mind, if this colleague can pick up their human kiddo, I should be able to take my cat to his veterinarian’s appointment or be around to give him his medications, which need to be timed every twelve hours. 

Nobody’s challenged me yet.  And if they ever do, I’ll direct them here.  After all, I am a Dad to this cat.