Gotta Serve Somebody

The myth that singles are selfish is prevalent.  On the surface, it makes sense.  Devoting your life to a person that is not you is the most selfless act there is, and what better way to do it than to couple up, and eventually sign that piece of better that welds, err, I mean, weds you to each other?
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I get a great deal of satisfaction out of helping others, and I’ve been stepping that game up since the new administration took over the White House and started laying off federal government employees.  Two of my friends fell into that category, and since I teach resume writing, I offered feedback on their resumes. 

During that time, I started thinking about the prophet Paul.  I’m not religious, but I find this quote meaningful: “But I say to the unmarried and the widows, it is good for them to remain as they are, as I am.”  It comes from the book of Corinthians, and the argument is that a single person may just have more opportunities to be of service than a married person does.

I co-chair a Singles Studies area at the Northeast Modern Language Association (NeMLA) conference with my friend Elizabeth, and we had an interesting conversation about the work we do, and how that’s a form of public service.

Reading Bella’s work went beyond that of an intellectual experience: it was visceral.  It spoke to me.  For years, I wrote about it.  I thought I was writing for me, but I wanted people who had made those singlist comments in my direction to read it and be humbled.  I don’t know if they actually did so, but other people on CoSP read it, and they felt spoken to.  Gradually, those little blogs turned into academic articles, then popular articles, then a book, which evolved into a brand.  As of now, I’m also a board member on the International Singles Studies Association and Unmarried Equality, two organizations with very different missions on singlehood.  I never thought I’d make a career out of being single, but life will surprise you.

Lately, I’ve taken to giving talks around the Washington, DC area, and oftentimes, when I present the concepts of “singlism,” “matrimania,” and “amatonormativity,” I see a collective light bulb emanate above the heads of my audience members, and they share their experiences of being marginalized.  Part of me wishes they’ll all come join the movement and start writing about these ideas, but not everybody can be as obsessive as I am, I suppose.  That said, I like to think I’ve given them something they can use with the people in their lives.

Of late, I’ve been aiming to use writing, my other passion, to help others.  I don’t like to get political on here (other than my “Childless Cat Ladies” posturing), but it riles me up that so many Federal workers have lost their jobs, particularly when some of them are people I know and care about.   A close friend of mine who worked in the Department of Education’s DEI office was laid off, and I offered to look at her resume for a similar type of job in Virginia.  I gave her comments on verb tenses and using bullet points to set off large bits of information, which I hope was helpful.  While my “day job” revolves around helping people improve their writing skills, it felt good to be able to do something similar for a friend who has real “stakes.”   I did the same thing for another woman I met in a Meetup group, which gave a similar feeling.

I find that when I’m feeling bad, helping others is the best way to get out of that funk.  Teaching does that for me, but I do get paid for it.  So I’ve put the word out on my social media networks that if you or someone you know has been laid off from the fed, I’m here to help.

And, for me, being single does that.  Much of the data continues to show that married people become more insular because they have a family to serve.  And more power to them.  As for me and Bryan Stevenson, I follow Paul’s philosophy.  The data shows we singletons tend to be more involved in our communities as well.

That said, I do have to serve Chester above everyone else.  IYKYK…