Happy Singlehood: A Reflective Workshop

Bottom (L-R): Kate, Avery, Antionette, Andrew
Top (L&R): Elyakim & myself
The Nonmarriage Roundtable was quite the experience!  And after vegging out on the couch with pizza and diet root beer upon my return home, I fell asleep.  The next morning, it was back to my soldiering.  Elyakim would be in DC for an extra day, so we thought it would be a good idea to co-present on Singlehood at the Cleveland Park Library, where I’ve given workshops before.

To my very pleasant surprise, seven people attended.  And the topics flowed.  One thing is for sure: singles are not a monolith.  Elyakim had talked about “singlehood as identity” at his Nonmarriage Roundtable talk, and I’ve been thinking about that for myself; it intersects with the idea of Single at Heart.  A couple of participants identified with that, and others did not.  We talked about a variety of Singles Studies-related topics, including:

1. Being asked to switch seats on an airplane in order to accommodate couples or families;
2. Having to have someone accompany you from a hospital, which can put some singles at a disadvantage;
3. The inequities of married people being promoted more at work;
4. Being ostracized from certain circles that consist primarily of coupled people;
5. Internalized feelings of being “othered” by coupled folks, even when it’s unintentional;
6. Being told “you’ll change your mind” when you vocalize Singlehood as your preferred status, particularly when you’re in your 20s or 30s;
7. The disadvantage a lot of coupled folks give themselves when they only rely on a spouse or partner to meet all their needs;
8. The difference between “single by choice” vs. “single by circumstance”
9. Ways of getting social/companionship needs met, particularly by way of platonic intimacy.
10. The introduction of the terms “singlism,” “matrimania,” and “amatonormativity.”
11. Elyakim’s finding that single people are more connected with friends, families of origin, and their communities than are married/coupled folks.  And in many cases.  When you put all your energy into that one relationships, things get sacrificed.

Afterwards, a few of us went to nearby Dolan for Uyghur cuisine, where the conversation continued.  We talked about our own relationship preferences, which don’t need to be a binary.  And I’ll share mine.  I like romance, but I like it in short bursts.  If I ever meet someone who’s okay with getting together once a month, maybe twice, and talking on the phone once a week or so, I’d be down.  Of course, most people don’t want that, which is totally fine with me.  Gives me more time to pursue this passion.  Other topics included our work, queerplatonic relationships, and travel.  And as Avery said, it’s nice not to have to listen to conversations about diapers.