More Platonic PDA Among Males!

I have a soft spot for I Love You, Man, starring Paul Rudd and Jason Segel.  Buddy movies have existed for a long time, but this film is a concept: it takes the romcom formula, and it applies it to platonic male friendship.  While Rudd’s character does get married at the end, the movie is about the two dudes.  And, of course, they say, “I Love You, Man” to each other.

I don’t typically share about this on my blog, but I’ve seen Phish forty-eight times.  I don’t mention it because like singles, Phish fans (or phans) face their share of stigma.  I don’t do any of the things that contribute to those stereotypes (though college was a blur). 

At any rate, I had an experience at a show the other night that got me thinking about how we look at platonic love vs. romantic love.  At Madison Square Garden the other night, they played “Waste,” one of my favorite songs.  Hearing it typically gives me goosebumps, and on this occasion, I was also moved to tears.  As I was on the brink of said tears, I saw two dudes hugging.  I immediately mouthed under my breath, “That’s beautiful.”

It’s just not something you hear.  Phish is a jamband, one that can bring out anybody’s inner “peace and love” persona.  So, as a result, at any show, you’ll see a lot of canoodling couples (or potential one-night stands resulting from the drugs and alcohol).  To me, those folks are a dime a dozen, and after a while, they become a bit nauseating.  But seeing two dudes create a PDA around their friendship: that’s just priceless.  I saw a similar display the following night as I walked through the 86th Street platform after the Rush concert.  It’s like I Love You, Man’s had an impact on our society.
Actually, it may be quixotic to believe that a light comedy like that has that far-reaching a hold.  But I can hope.  And I’m a person who’s always valued friendship over romance, even when I was in romantic relationship (that could be a reason they didn’t last, but I disagree).  I have a large number of woman friends, and a fair number of men in my life.  There are some I can be more “affectionate” with than others.  I am a hugger; there are some who embrace the hugs, and others who are a bit awkward with them, so I have to act accordingly.

I wish I didn’t have to, though.  I’d like to see society normalize the kind of hugs I saw at the show and on the subway platform.  This is a singles-adjacent issue in that this loneliness epidemic appears to be hitting men a lot more than women, because men aren’t encouraged to form lasting friendships.  For many, their social network consists of their spouse.  And, in a hetero marriage, if their spouse divorces them (usually initiated by the woman) or dies (the man usually passes on first), the man is often adrift.  And if it's a single man who hasn't make friends, it's just as bad.

I don’t believe Phish is for all tastes, but if we could take even 1% of the energy that we saw from that jam-induced hug, I think everyone, man, woman, partnered, non-partnered, would be a lot happier.