The American Dream: Alternate Versions

“I feel bad for couples who want to start families and can’t afford homes.”  I heard someone say this at the Rush concert I attended at Madison Square Garden this past summer.
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As someone who sees just about everything through the lens of singles advocacy, my first thought is, what about us solos!?  But upon further reflection, I realized he had a point: it’s much harder to achieve the American dream we’ve been sold for decades.  Job, home, spouse, family, white picket fence.  And recently, AI experts are warning that AI could kill all humans in the next decade.  That prediction may be sensationalistic, but it is a concern given all the jobs being taken by AI.  So why are we still obsessed with having kids?

I grew up in a suburb, and it was just expected that I follow that path.  After my parents had me, they bought their home in Spring Valley for $44,250 in 1978, shortly after I was born.  They sold it for $103,000 in 1994 before buying a new one for $160,000.   Today, a similar one goes for $850,000.  As a solo, I own a 2-bedroom condo; it’s perfect for me and my cat Chester.  I don’t desire to have kids or move in with a partner.  So, I’m living the life that works for me.  And more people are embracing and enjoying solo living.

Yet, the dream remains.  Society talks about having children as if “having a baby” is the best reward.  However, that baby will become a child, and then an adolescent.  In most states, you’re legally responsible for them until they turn eighteen.  And those eighteen years are loaded with costs: the housing example, childcare, medical expenses, and, of course “Can I PLEASE have this!?”  And, with so many college graduates struggling to find jobs, many are living with their parents, not by choice.  And with AI, this problem could get worse in the next couple of decades.  So why do we still mandate the life script of “marriage and children?” 

Of course, people who want that life should be able to have it.  But it shouldn’t be the only measure of success; the American Dream should have many variations.  For some people, it’s the “white picket fence” life.  For others, it may be living with roommates or extended family.  For someone else, it might be a townhouse, a spouse, and no children.  In my case, it’s my career, condo, cat, travel, and an active social life.  None of those should be seen as having failed.