The Little Inconveniences Singles Face - Part 1

When I was hired at UDC, my department chair was fascinated by my mentions of the Singles Studies field, which was brand new.  He always used to ask, “What kinds of things do you discuss?”  I had to respond that we were still new and discussions were still developing.  This was in 2020.

Nearly six years later, our field has grown, and as with any academic discipline, some tensions have developed.  In fields like Gender Studies and Fat Studies, conflicts develop between researchers who want to just do scientific researchers and those of us who conduct research as a platform to advocate for the population we study.  Singles Studies is no exception.  I’m “wed” to the latter side; I’ve published more Op-Eds than academic work on singlehood as of this writing.  But I do read the scientific stuff so I can stay informed.  A lot of studies have stated that couples, on average, experience better well-being than singles.  I used to deny this, but I’ve come to a begrudging acceptance of the idea.
 
However, the assumption a lot of researchers and readers still carry is that couplehood is the solution.  And a lot of singles would love to get that, even only it were that easy (one pet peeve of mine: when people say “just get married” as if it were like signing up for a gym membership; you don’t always have control over the outcome in that scenario).  And if they don’t, they just give the data and don’t really acknowledge the structural singlism that exists.  And, to be fair, they’re not trained to do that.  When I teach my undergraduates how to read scholarly articles, I have them look closely at the Discussion and Conclusion sections to see how the findings add to a conversation in a field, not necessarily the real-life implications outside the ivory tower.
 
In that vein, I’m conducting my own informal research in which I ask the question: what kinds of inconveniences do singletons face, and how do they impact their lives?  Here’s some condensed data from the people I asked.

Traveling
 
I love to travel solo.  But many of my fellow solo wanderers highlighted challenges such as logistics, like getting to an airport, having someone look after a house and pet, and asking someone watch their luggage while they go to the bathroom.  I usually just take it with me.  And, of course, bringing in packages.  I have neighbors who can bring packages in for me, but not everyone has that luxury.
 
And let’s not forget that dreaded single supplement.
 
Medical
 
Hospitals aren’t malicious when they require that someone accompany a patient to a procedure; after all, they’re not in any condition to drive, and there are unscrupulous taxi and Uber drivers who will take advantage of them.  And, in some places, you can have a service from the hospital drive you home.  For a fee. 

I had a lipoma removed from my back a few years ago, and I was lucky enough to have a friend who could drive me to and from the procedure.  But, I’d also lived in that area for a few years and was able to develop connections.  If I’d had an accident soon after moving to the area, when I didn’t know anyone, I would’ve been out of luck, because this hospital didn’t even have that transport service. 

I asked a number of my fellow singletons about these inconveniences, and one remarked, “I wouldn't call this an inconvenience. The systematic discrimination against single people has life-threatening implications.”  I agree, friend. 
 
Some hospitals and medical facilities have been reported to only allow “immediate family,” meaning spouses and children, to visit patients in the hospital.  This actually violates Federal Law, which states that patients can choose their visitors.  Sadly, some of the facilities are unaware of the rule. 
 
Housing
 
At the risk of stating the obvious, housing costs more if you’re single and you choose to live alone.  You don’t have anyone to split rent or mortgage with.  And some neighborhoods are zoned for single-family housing.  I wrote an Op-Ed advocating that with the rise of singletons in the Washington, DC area, we need to have more housing that accommodates singles.  And this is everywhere, not just DC.

Food Shopping

I love the concept of Costco.  One can save money by buying items in bulk.  And I use it for my favorite non-perishables like three-pound containers of coffee and canned tuna, salmon, and chicken salad.  But it’s rare that I use it for perishables.  I recently underwent periodontal surgery; to prepare I bought a bunch of soft foods like mashed potatoes, pasta, and pudding but did so at the Giant Food, my local supermarket.  In a conversation with my brother, he said, “Why don’t you buy the cooked brand at Costco?”
 
One reason: I love mashed potatoes, but I don’t like to keep them in my home under normal circumstances.  They’re just so heavy in carbs.  So buying them in bulk makes no sense to me.

Another reason: if I buy the cooked brand, I have a limited amount of time to eat it.  I like to portion it out, but in this case, I’d have to force myself to eat it more frequently than I’d like, or I’d just have to let it go bad and time out.  So I’ll just buy the small packaged, powered brand, which doesn’t expire for several months.  As I said to my brother, “Costco is not the best store for solo dwellers.”
 
Fortunately, my friend Louise Harper has a book about cooking for one, Single Serve: One Bowl, One Pot, One Meal. While we can’t control the markets (yet), it’s good to know there are fellow single voices looking out for our needs.
 
Other Stuff
 
Couples discounts.  Family packages on cell phone plans.  Gym and museum memberships discounted for couples and families.  When I brought this up to a class, a student said, “Couldn’t you just find a friend to go in with?”  I do respect and admire that kind of subterfuge and “taking the power back” a la Rage Against the Machine, but why should one have to scrap to find another person, particularly if they may be going in with someone else?  What’s wrong with $15 per person, $30 per couple?
 
I’ve never experienced this, but apparently, some platforms won’t let you purchase single seats for concerts or theater events.  It’s just wrong.  And given that 20% of Broadway theater tickets are purchased by solo patrons, those platforms are hurting themselves.  And I’m going to shame Alibi, a bar that bans solo drinkers after 9 p.m.  I don’t go to bars, but if I did, they’d lose my business.  And if I owned a bar in that area, I’d offer specials for solo drinkers and say, “We welcome solos!”
 
Conclusion
 
As the rates of non-married and non-partnered folks have increased and are projected to do so, institutions are going to need to change their practices.  In Part Two, which I’ll post next week, I’ll throw out some ideas.
 

 [CW1]Check the expiration date on it.