The Little Inconveniences Singles Face - Part 2

“If you’re not part of the solution, you’re part of the problem.”  This phrase pops into my head every time every time a coupled person complains to me about their partner or their relationship.  And it comes to mind whenever singles complain about the treatment they receive without talking about how they respond to said treatment.  Of course, we all need to complain now and then; it can be healthy.  And Part One of this blog was complaints.
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However, as an advocate, I like to offer solutions to problem.  And students in my Discovery Writing class spend half a semester researching a problem and the other half aiming to argue for a solution to the problem.  So, in Part Two, I’m going to offer what I see as viable solutions to said problems.  Some of these solutions should come from the institutions that perpetuate these inequities; there are other things we can do to claim agency.
Traveling
Last time, I wrote about the singles supplement.    Fortunately, there are companies who’ve gotten wise to the fact that more folks are traveling solo, so there are no single supplements.  Take Overseas Adventure Travel. 
 
Many Airbnbs advertise themselves as solo-friendly; on the occasions when I log on, I’ll support them first.  Here’s one in my region. 
 
I prefer Airbnbs over hotels; they’re cheaper and much more inviting.  I’ve also met some very interesting owners.  However, hotels can help themselves and their customers by devoting blocks of rooms to solos.  Personally, all I need is a double bed, a bathroom, Wi-Fi, a coffee maker, and I’m fine.

Medical
My friend and colleague Joan DelFattore will be a pioneer in this area of advocacy with her upcoming book.  Her article about being discriminated against as a single cancer patient  should be read by every doctor around the world. 

Hospital patients are in very vulnerable positions, so it’s difficult for them to advocate for themselves against doctors and hospital administrators, who hold the power in this scenario.  However, I’m sure they undergo training with respect to unconscious bias.  Such training should include how they look at single patients. 

And the loved ones of patients can step in.  A few years ago, a close friend of mine had a biking accident that landed him in the hospital for a couple of weeks.  When the hospital was ready to discharge him before he was ready, a mutual friend of ours stepped in, and he got to stay until he was actually ready to go.  Our network used CaringBridge to schedule times to help him out with certain tasks.

Housing
I’ll refer to my Op-Ed regarding more solo-friendly housing.  And I think more places are starting to do this.

I also try to remember that even though I might pay more for a 2-bedroom than a couple might, the trade-off is I have my own space.  And the quiet is worth the price.
Boycotts
This is the section where I get nasty.  I name-shamed Alibi for banning solo drinkers.  And, of course, I joined the pile-on of comments chastising them for doing so. 
Not long after I moved to DC, I began experimenting with the various ethnic restaurants in the city.  I tried to make a reservation for one at a Korean restaurant, which I can’t seem to find on the Internet (perhaps they closed down?).  The platform wouldn’t allow me to do so.  I could’ve called them, but I didn’t feel like doing extra work when so many restaurants were more accommodating toward the solo diner.

I also won’t go to events with couples discounts.

You can also post reviews online; isn’t the Internet wonderful?

Speaking Up
This does feel Sisyphean at times, but the more we speak up, the more message is implanted into the public consciousness.  As a member of the International Singles Studies Association (ISSA) Board, we were asked to provide feedback to the organizers of the annual conference as to whether they should extend the deadline.  There were thirty-one submissions, which I believe to be enough for a small conference. 

I said the following:

If you extend the deadline, you'll likely have to extend the time people hear back.  For people who have to fly, this is problematic, because prices increase the closer we get to travel time.  This is an issue for people not being funded by their schools and who subsist on only one income; those both apply to my situation.  Others are likely facing the same situation.

The result: a vote in favor of keeping the deadline the same.  Victory!
A friend of mine happened to notice an advertisement for a travel collective that advertised at $1,000 per couple.  She wrote the following:

Thanks for the information. 
 
I would like you to consider that 50 percent of the population is NOT Married or a couple. They are single. 

Many resorts, cruise lines and other businesses in the travel network are now focusing their efforts on this demographic and it is very profitable. The days of Couples marketing is changing and becoming more offensive since half of the population is Single. 

Thanks for reading this and maybe it is useful maybe not. 

They wrote back.

Thank you for taking the time to share your thoughts with us — we genuinely appreciate you doing so.

I understand the point you’re making, and I’m sorry if our marketing came across as excluding or dismissive. That was certainly not our intention. You’re absolutely right that a significant portion of travelers are single, and the travel landscape continues to evolve in meaningful ways.

While our advertising often features couples, this is largely a reflection of our most common booking type rather than an indication of who our journeys are meant for. In practice, we regularly welcome solo travelers, friends travelling together, and larger groups, and we work hard to ensure the experience onboard feels equally comfortable and enjoyable for all guests, regardless of how they’re travelling.

Your feedback is valuable, and comments like yours help us reflect on how our messaging is perceived and where there may be opportunities to better represent the full range of guests who travel with us. We are always open to learning and improving.

Honestly, this felt like a standardized corporate response, but at least they took the time to do so.  Many places don’t.  But the more we speak up, the more likely we are to be heard.  I recently became a committee chair for my university union; at some point, I’ll be advocating for “pawternity leave.”

And, with that, I give you the Singles Bill of Rights, a document I hope becomes mainstream in how singles are treated in a couplecentric world.