Can men and women be just friends? This question pervaded the underlying philosophy of 1989’s When Harry Met Sally. The answer was no. I have issues with films like that, which are a dime a dozen. So when I see the rare diamond that says “yes” to that question, I get goosebumps. I saw a recommendation from fellow CoSPer Robbie Fincham: a Filipino drama called Only We Know, which celebrates a platonic relationship between a man and a woman. The marketing is deceptive, though. When you see the image on Netflix, you’ll see a man and woman looking longingly at each other. Wikipedia also bills it a romantic drama. People hoping for that traditional romance are going to be sorely disappointed.
The film revolves around the friendship between Betty, a recently retired teacher, and Ryan, a grieving widower. They “meet cute” when Ryan almost backs his pickup truck into that of Betty’s ex-husband, with whom she is still amicable. They have conversations about their lives, and for a while, they encourage each other to date. Ryan introduces Betty to the world of dating apps, and Betty says “there’s nothing wrong with casual sex” when he vents about how his friends are constantly trying to set him up with women. The film feels like it drags at times; it does lack some tension. We mostly see them relating, which is true to life. I’ve just been conditioned to want conflict according to beats, and since I’m teaching Creative Writing to beginners, I did teach them said beats. But the great ones can bend/break those rules.
The film is 100% pro-single, though. One of the sources of amusement is how everybody thinks Betty and Ryan are romantically involved. Cora, Betty’s best friend, is probably the most annoying about it. She insists they are, even after Betty says they’re not. Multiple times.
The movie does tease in that direction, which I’m sure was the makers’ intent. After a night out dancing, Ryan appears to lean in for a kiss after walking Betty to her door, but they have a nice, warm hug. A few seconds afterwards, we see Betty dancing with her cat (I stand with childless cat ladies). We then hear a knock on her window; I became disillusioned. I thought here comes another Say Anything knock-off, boom box and all. But we see Ryan knocking and then dancing on her lawn while she stays inside. It’s a nice scene.
An even nicer scene is toward the end when Betty tells off her ex-husband, that she’s tired of him and assuming she and Ryan are an item. Can’t they just be friends? In fact, I find the phrase “just friends” problematic, as it implies friendship is an inferior form of relating to that of romance.
By the film’s end, we learn Betty has developed breast cancer, and Ryan is her confidante and major source of support. He does household tasks, which leads people to assume they’re romantically involved. But I find this more touching; oftentimes, the spouse is nowhere to be found when the partner is to be ill (it’s usually the husband disengaging from the wife, from my own anecdotal research).
While the pacing was a bit slow in spots, I was relieved to find a film that not only celebrates man-woman friendship, but also questions amatonormative assumptions that man and woman should eventually partner. I watched the dubbed version of it because I didn’t feel like putting on my glasses to read the subtitles. The voices, and the film, were convincing.