I’ve always known Ed Helms as Stu’s nebbishy dentist from The Hangover and Andy’s delusional lothario from The Office, basically good for pratfalls. I’d never seen him in a dramatic role, but he rises to the occasion in Together Together.
Here, he plays Matt, a single/divorced fortysomething who wants to become a father and takes the steps toward doing it solo. In his words, “I look at my friends who are parents and want what they have, and I look at my single friends and don’t want what they have.” He’s definitely not a single-at-heart, and his motivation may be more based in what his friends are doing. The movie’s sympathetic towards his plight. His internalized singlism more than likely comes from his environment, particularly his mother, who vehemently opposes his decision, saying, “It takes two to make a baby and it takes two to raise a baby.”
He does it anyway, and the opening scene has him interviewing Patti as a potential candidate to be the surrogate mother. She gets the job, and the movie portrays their relationship. What makes Together Together pro-single is that they don’t couple. The movie does make teases in that direction, but the makers are playing the audience like a piano. “How do you know we wouldn’t make a good couple?” Matt asks the much younger Patti when she says it would be gross of them to partner up.
There are a couple of good scenes that call out societal singlism:
1)Patti and Matt are shopping for a crib, and initially, the salesperson says “Oooo” in a sympathetic fashion when she thinks Patti’s going solo. But it turns into a “Awwwwww” when she learns it’s Matt doing the parenting. To be fair, very few men voluntarily go the solo parenting route, but good on Patti for calling out the singlism and sexism inherent in her assumptions. 2)A late scene has Matt and Patti taking a birthing class run by this pseudo-spiritual “guru” who opens the class with a cringey breathing exercise. Of course, they’re the only single/non-conventional pair at the class, and upon learning the baby will be parented solo, the guru has to let out a big breath and say, “I’m letting go of that third partner idea.” News flash: if you have to let out a breath to recognize that solo parenting is a valid choice, you’re not as spiritual/enlightened as you think you are.
And the movie treats their relationship as a meaningful one. They say they love each other, but it’s very much in a platonic way. And Patti’s fellow barista, Jules, tells her “Just because you’re not together together doesn’t mean you haven’t formed a bond.” The film agrees.
The film ends up after Patti’s given birth; with the money she’s making from the experience, she hopes to finance her schooling in Vermont. When the movie ended, I got the sense they might keep in touch for a while, but ultimately, their relationship will fade naturally. And I appreciated that.
Most romcoms focus on the courtship process, and at the end, the lovers get together, and it’s assumed they’ll live happily ever after. “Happily ever after” tends to come with challenges, and not all couples survive them. Together Together treats their relationship as a moment in time, meaningful yes, but not necessarily permanent. Some of the most substantial relationships I’ve had (romantic, platonic) have had expiration dates, and that’s completely natural. This movie gets that, and benefits from that knowledge.
Finally, I’m vocally and adamantly Childfree by Choice, but I admire people who parent solo, whether it’s by choice or by circumstance. I find taking care of a cat to be enough of a responsibility; those who do so with human children are truly badass.