A Note For Single Extroverts

​Western culture is designed for extroverts.  Fortunately, thanks in part to Susan Cain’s Quiet: The Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking, as well as her TED Talk on introversion, introversion is becoming seen as a valid orientation.  Still, life requires that we interact with others.  Workplaces are more communal, with shared office spaces.  In our personal lives, most of us do need connection with other humans, some more than others. 
 
Extroverts are people who obtain their energy by interacting with others.  Introverts get theirs through alone time.  I was always introverted, and I was told by family members, friends, and teachers things like “You need to talk more” and “you need to get out more.”  As I’ve grown older, I have gotten more extroverted, and I’m probably the textbook definition of an ambivert, a person who lies in the middle of introversion and extroversion.  My job requires me to interact with people on a daily basis, and even Quiet has a chapter on introverts acting as “pseudo-extroverts.”  This is what I do.  And on a Friday night, I’m ecstatic to lock the door to my home and binge on one of my Netflix shows.  Alone time is great.
 
Thanks to COVID-19, I’m getting much more of that alone time than I’m accustomed to.  Naturally, introverts will have an easier time with this than our extroverted counterparts.  Social media still connects us, though, and there are more memes about how we introverts quarantine naturally than I can realistically count, like this one:

​I even posted this mean one:

​Of course, I laughed.  The sadistic side of me called it “karmic justice”.  Throughout my life, I had been told by so many extroverts about “needing to talk more” and “needing to get out more”.  Revenge was sweet: Ha ha!  This is my time! 
 
I saw a friend post on Facebook about difficulties she was facing about being a single extrovert, and I sent her my best vibes.  However, my mind changed when another friend, a married person, wrote a post about having a breakdown and crying for no reason.  I’ve known this person since childhood, and she was always extroverted.  At that point, I began to feel some empathy for her situation, as well as how extroverts might be coping.
 
There are a lot of pieces out there about how introverts can “fake extroversion.”  So I’m gonna share my experiences thus far about how I’ve coped as a single introvert, and hopefully, my extroverted friends can take something away at “faking introversion”:
 

1. Solitary Hobbies – I’ve played guitar on and off since I was sixteen.  In the summer of 2017, I picked one up at a pawn shop for $80, hoping I could keep it in my office and use during my lunch hours to relieve stress.  I was inspired by the Clifford Main character in Better Call Saul, and how he used his guitar to do just that.  I only used it a couple of times, and when we were ordered to work remotely, I took it home.  I’ve been practicing every night for about an hour, and I’ve recorded a few songs and posted to Facebook (friend request me at [email protected] to see a video; I’m not yet confident enough in my playing abilities to show it to strangers, maybe someday).  Get lost in a book, write in a journal, draw, play an instrument, cook, anything.  Lots of YouTube videos can show you how to do this.
2. Human Connection – Like many introverts, I’m not a “phone person.”  But I’m forcing myself to be.  Last night, I called a close friend from my graduate school, and we chatted for about a half hour (that’s very good for me).  Call your people, or if you’re up for it, video chat!
3. Exercise – When I don’t exercise, I feel off-center.  With my gym closed, I’ve had to find alternatives.  Again, videos are a great thing, and you can find them online.  And if you’re not a gym rat like me, you can go for a simple walk around the block.  Invite a friend too; just make sure you’re staying six feet apart!
4. Limit your Use of Social Media – I’m not saying don’t use it, but there’s a plethora of research that connects social media with anxiety and depression.  And so many people are panicking and fear-mongering on there.  Find something to do.
5. “Stay in the Moment” – So many medical experts and politicians are giving projections about when this virus is going to end.  We don’t know.  It’s going to end eventually, but we just have to try to keep our minds focused on the present.  Projecting in the future doesn’t do us any good.  Meditation can help with this.   

 
Stay safe, my friends!  And when this is over, please don’t tell me to “get out more.”  I’ll probably be doing that anyway (for a little while. Anyway).