​“Beep!  Beep!  Beep!”
 
So went my alarm at 5:32; I had given myself the gift of one extra minute of slumber before waking up to check out Part Two of the Single Friendly Church’s discussion group, which would focus on teaching and leadership. 
 
Once again, I was on as an observer, and I did just that this time: observe.  No talking.  But man, did I take furious notes.
 
First notable point: the poll that asked if their church taught about singleness indicated that not a single one did.  I can’t say I’m surprised about that one; religious institutions (and the world at large) are generally focused around teaching about the building and maintenance of a healthy marriage/coupling.  And when the world “single” appears in the class/workshop’s title or description, the purpose is to help participants exit singlehood.  This is why, when I give workshops on singlehood, I include the disclaimer, “This course will not teach you how to date or how to “get a partner.”  It will also not show you how to be in a romantic relationship.  If you are looking for that, this is not the course for you.”  When I taught a semester-long version of this course at Hampton University, my enlightened students seemed to get it.  Someone in the group also talked about a course called Securely Single, which is based in the Christian faith.
 
The group also discussed ways to integrate singlehood with church leadership.  As a single person, I’d like to see more happily single politicians, CEOs, religious leaders (outside of priests and nuns), school administrators, and the like; in their bios, so many of them emphasize how they’re a “husband and father” or “wife and mother.”  I’d especially love to have a college President sans spouse (every college President I ever worked under routinely touted their spouse like they were a sporty new coat). 
 
At any rate, here’s a list of political leaders who remained single.  Whether you not you agree with their philosophies, they’re good examples that singles (whether by choice or by circumstance) can do what marrieds can, if not more so, due to the fact they don’t have to invest so much time and energy into their coupling.
 
I will acknowledge my last sentence has some bad connotations: “Well, you’re not married, you have time for such and such…”  And the group acknowledged that when approaching single members to be of service, they should be careful not to take that kind of tone.  And please, don’t say “Jesus should be your husband” to someone who WANTS to be partnered!
 
The world at large has some work to do when it comes to accepting singles.  Religious institutions preach acceptance and tolerance, but it seems like they’re not quite there when it comes to their single members.  I’m glad the Single Friendly Church is working to rectify that.  I’m not a religious person by any means, but if you are and you’re invested in happy singlehood, I encourage you to help your church become a part of this network.
Yes, I know that last sentence sounded like an ad.  But dammit, our message needs advertising!   
 

“Beep! Beep! Beep!”
 
So spoke my alarm at 5:31.  I knew it would be a challenge getting up an hour earlier than normal, particularly after a three-day weekend.  But I saw that the Single Friendly Church network was holding a workshop about single-friendly language, which is something I’ve studied for the last eight years. So how could I not?
 
After engaging in my lower back stretches and making an extra-strong cup of coffee, I logged on, and my picture of Chester was greeted by Mike Simpson, the Executive Director of the network.  I wasn’t surprised to see I was the only one unaffiliated with any church: religion and I have never been compatible, but many of my fellow singletons are active parts of their churches and various other religious institutions.  And I figured it’d be cool to take the role of an outside observer.
 
Needless to say, I was quietly engaged throughout.  Two breakout rooms took place; the first revolved around the use of inclusive language.  As someone who conducts Critical Discourse Analysis, this is my jam.  The group discussed the use of the word “family” and talked about including images on church websites that do not just consist of couples or nuclear families.  Rather, they can show pictures of solos and groups of people interacting.  I’ve been advocating for this everywhere, so I’m glad to see this message spreading.
 
They also talked about how they can be more welcoming of singles attending the church, particularly people going by themselves.  One woman confessed she always feels a little awkward going to a place where she doesn’t know anyone, and everybody seems to be congregated in large groups.  I feel that way too, so it’s important for a church or any institution be welcoming to everyone.  And as the population of singles continues to grow, more and more of those singles will be members of churches.  So if the churches want to continue to spread their message, it will be increasingly important for them to welcome singles.
 
And this group is advocating just that.  They talked about some of the strategies:
 
1)Having members wear name badges
2)The pastor allows a moment for the parishioners to exchange greetings and introductions
3)Fellowshipping after services, like going out for coffee or lunch
4)Recognizing all motherly figures during Mother’s Day
 
I chimed in with an idea in one discussion: meetups strictly for the single folks, but with a twist: the purpose is to build community, not to match them up for the purposes of exiting singlehood.  That’s what CoSP is all about, and I recently started a Meetup group for childfree singles in which I make it very clear it is not a “meet market”. 
 

DINK stands for Double Income, No Kids.  I do wish the word “dink” didn’t have such a negative connotation, but hey, progress is progress.
 
Finally, I encourage you to watch this video and help it win this year’s Smiley Charity Film Award by voting.  This simple act will help spread the message of this group, as well as the universal pro-singlehood message.  
 
I mentioned earlier that I’m not religious, and I likely won’t ever be.  But I know Corinthians, where Paul discusses being single.  And it may be God’s will for some to remain single; singleness does give a lot of people the room to be more integral parts of their churches.  In fact, my good friend and colleague Elyakim Kislev found that singles are more connected with their communities than are married folks.  After all, they’re not spending their energy maintaining and developing their family units.
 
This video also helps give a voice to what singles are saying everywhere.
 
When I was first getting into Singles Studies, a colleague mentioned to me that Paul was single.  I conducted further research and found the following passage:
 
I wish that all men were as I am. But each man has his own gift from God; one has this gift, another has that. Now to the unmarried and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I am. But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. (1 Corinthians 7:8-9)
 
Paul didn’t necessarily propagate that everybody should stay single; indeed, some folks are better off in a couple.  However, many are not.  They’re called on to do different things, including the word of God.  My friend Drew, a devout Christian, even told me, “You’re doing God’s work through your singlehood stuff.”
 
Amen.