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How to be Single and Happy - January 29 Class Discussion

2/1/2020

1 Comment

 
​So this semester, I was lucky in that I was granted the privilege by my university to teach a one-credit course on How to be Single and Happy.  I was pleasantly surprised to see that eleven students signed up for the course, and they are a bright, engaged bunch indeed!  Over the next three months, I plan to be providing a blog almost every week on what we discuss in class.
 
This past week, we began by discussing the first chapter of Bella’s Singled Out, as read by the students.  One person, Mary, speculated whether a couple that makes the decisions as to where to go out to eat is actually singlism, or if it’s just the couple being rude and commanding.  And is that couple really worth hanging out with?  After all, as singles, we generally do have a choice as to who we spend our time with?  It led to a thought as to whether such everyday slights might be a reason as to why some people get into/stay in bad relationships.  They don’t want to be marginalized.  One student, Michael, made an interesting comment that not everybody necessarily wants to be single, so those people who are marginalized may make bad relationship decisions.  Note to self: start off next week’s class with the definitions of single by choice and single by circumstance.
 
I’ll also have to define legally single vs. socially single, since I also gave an assignment for students to interview someone who has not married.  Michael asked if the person they interviewed could be “in a relationship,” to which I said, “Yes.”  Domestic partnerships definitely deserve equal weight in the eyes of the law, as well as that of social acceptability.
 
I also have to call myself out.  Mary also pointed out that the potential interview question, which I gave as a guide, “why have you never be married” could be perceived as offensive.  I’ve actually called people out for asking that of me, so I have to practice what I’m preaching.  Good job, Mary!
 
Students brought paragraphs to class about instances of singlism and matrimania they had observed or experienced.  Mary brought up the TV show Say Yes to the Dress, which is one of countless shows that sensationalize weddings (I YouTubed a seven-minute clip and felt the need for a nice long shower after watching a minute of it and turning it off ).  We brought up that a wedding can easily lose its intimacy by being publicized.  Tammy was asked about “her children” and “a boyfriend” by the seven-year-old Girl Scouts she supervised.  She did concede that to a seven-year-old, every adult looks “old.”  In addition, the only adults a child from a two-parent home probably only sees is married, but that’s why we need to start teaching kids it’s okay not to couple up.  Someone (I forget who, but if you’re reading, feel free to tell me and I’ll include your name) brought up how Disney movies like The Princess and the Frog teach children the myth of “happily ever after”, but Warren brought up how more progressive Disney films Brave and Moana did not feature love interests.  #digit
 
And, finally, came the “comeback sharing.”  I featured the following on our projector screen:
 
Come up with a “comeback” with the following exchange:
 
 
Friend/Family Member: Do you have a boyfriend/girlfriend?
 
Me: No.
 
Pick one of the responses:
a) Friend/Family member: Awwwww.
b) Friend/Family member: What’s wrong with you?
c) Friend/Family member: You better get on that.
 
The responses:
 
                  William: Everything.  Everything’s wrong with me.  (Love the sarcasm).
                  Michelle: What’s wrong with you?  (Love the snark.)
                  Monique: I’m focusing on my career goals.  (Love the straightforwardness).
 
Next week, we’ll get to hear the interviews with the singletons in our students’ lives.
 
 
 
1 Comment
Ilona
2/1/2020 01:12:01 pm

may I just add that "The Princess and the Frog" is not a 90s disney movie but came out in 2009. And it actually has a more modern view since they really have to work for their "happy ever after" and wishing upon the star is not enough... I'd say there are far "better" examples of the myth of happily ever after ;)

After all I have to say that I observe with great interest the developement of Disney movies and their gender portrays (especially women... ). It all started out with the typical damsel in distress which gots saved by a strong man. Ariel, Jasmine and Belle were still pretty much that type of character, but they already had a "more modern" twist: They were stubborn, they were curious, they wanted more than society allowed them to have. And they actually saved their guy - at least a little bit. But still... the storyline was pretty much a beautiful woman and a strong guy who rescued her.
It changed even more with Pocahontas - she had all the qualities described before, but she really was the one saving him - and he didn't save her, but her father. And again you see a developement to Mulan - where finding yourself is the main part, not finding love. Although she still finds love along the way ;)
Princess and the frog... I have to admit I liked the twist in the storyline. It was still a love story. But as I said above: I liked that they turned around the "wish upon a star"- trope and you see they don't just get what they want, but they work for it - together, as partners.

With the latest films you can clearly see that Disney/Pixar made a lot of effort to pass the Bechdel test. Brave and Frozen are not anymore about a woman finding a man, but about the relationship between two women (that's also true for Tangled, but the love story still takes a lot of space in the plot). It's mother-daughter (Brave and Tangled - in the last case the stepmother but Rapunzel doesn't know that, so it's basically in both cases a daughter trying to break free from her demanding mother. In Rapunzel's case also an abusive mother) and between sisters (Frozen).

So ... yes, there's a lot to criticise on the movies, but it's obvious how they really show an developement in portraying their heroines.

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    My name is Craig.  I'm an educator, writer, and unapologetic singleton.  When not reading, writing, or teaching, I enjoy hiking, running, watching movies, going to concerts, spending time with friends, and playing with my cat/son, Chester.

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